Life Out of Focus

I just exhaled for the first time in months.

Life is full of exhausting tension.  It’s inescapable. I’m constantly battling the business and stress, and I know I’m not alone.

More than a few nights, I took to the streets after most of the world was asleep, pounding out my frustrations and fullness on the pavement one step at a time. Occasionally I’d look up, dizzy while I ran, and I’d stare at the stars to help give me some perspective.  I also found at least a little respite in the music that played on my iPod while the rhythm of my breath came in sync with the drumming of my soles.  Yet for all the energy I was expending, I couldn’t escape the feeling that the only thing centered in my life seemed to be the double yellow lines I followed through the pitch black darkness.

Inhale.  Exhale.  

Even this brief breath of fresh air was just another distraction, keeping my feet moving helped only to take my mind off all that was running through it.

In the middle of the craziness was Father’s Day.  That day had a slightly different feel to it this year that’s hard to explain.  I felt a distance between me and my family.  Life is good, but sometimes life can get in the way of living.

I tweeted last week, “Ever been so busy that when it’s finally over you find yourself sitting in the middle of your living room asking, “Now what?”

Well, a lot of the things that were keeping me busy for the past few months are officially over so I’m back to asking myself “Now what?”  I decided I needed to refocus.

Here’s my Top 3 (re)Focuses for the rest of summer:

My wife

My kids

My friends

Being busy isn’t an excuse to not be there as a husband.  Now that the carnival and vacation Bible school are behind us, I think it’s time to refocus on my wife.  I need the most important woman in my life to feel just how beautiful I think she is.  She’s had a lot on her plate, too.  Actually, she probably had more on her plate than I did, I just helped her in a few small ways while she did the heavy lifting.  So it’s time to spend some nights out, just the two of us.

From easy-mac and cheese dinners on the go to the constant repetition of “not now” or “in a minute” the past few months have taken their toll on my relationship with my kids, too.  I’ve read shorter books at night (one night I didn’t read any books! she freaked!) and had a sharper attitude toward my children due to long days and late bedtimes for everyone involved.  But now it’s time to refocus on spending time together and dragging out those bedtimes with late night stories and talks and tickles.

I also forgot to call a good friend of mine before his wedding (sorry J!). I’ve ignored direct messages on Twitter, Facebook messages, emails, Google Hangouts and meeting for coffee for far too long. (Jim, Blaine, Kurt I owe you an apology, too) It’s time for me to step it up in the friends department and reconnect with a few of my best.

Taking a week off of blogging felt weird, too.  I realized this past week just how much I am compelled to write, even when life is hectic.  Maybe I should say especially when life is hectic.  I’ve said it before but have never felt it as much as last week; writing is so cathartic.  I also realized that I’m a guy who is tormented by thoughts all day long and sometimes the only way to silence them is to sit down and write.  I’m glad to be blogging again.  It helps me to focus, too.

Thanks for *letting* me take a week off J

Happy fourth day of summer!  I can’t believe it is almost July!  Where did June go?

Not happy about taking a picture with me. Must be because I’ve been so busy lately…

About these ads