O.K. so I’m admitting publicly that I saw the Twilight Eclipse movie. Can we move on now? This movie has had a powerful impact in my life. I see myself completely differently now and have a new-found motivation to work out.
Before Twilight Eclipse, I would look in the mirror and think that things weren’t so bad. After viewing this movie I realized I was in late stage development of the dad body, also known as “The Reverse Torso.” This condition is markedly noticeable when your chest is flat and your stomach is bulging, instead of having a chest that is bulging and a stomach that is flat… Jacob was the character that I least identified with.
Now I have started a nightly routine of push ups. It’s the best I can do right now besides kid curls and baby bench-presses. I’m too busy and too poor to buy a gym membership and actually carve time out of my schedule to go work out. And I absolutely refuse to buy a piece of exercise equipment that will eventually become a glorified clothes rack. So push ups it is. I started at a measly 17 before maxing out and dropping to the floor the first night. Now, I’m up to a barely respectable 100.
I remember in my younger days when I worked at a summer camp, all the guy’s staff would gather in the boat house next to “the cage” where we all lived and would break out a deck of cards for the ‘push up contest’. Cards 2-5 were those push ups where you made a triangle with your thumb and forefinger and put your nose inside it on the way down. Cards 6-10 were regular push ups, with clapping in between each one. Jacks through Kings were wide push ups (ten times) and Aces were twenty-five. If we were really daring we’d throw in the two jokers and make them fifty. Then we’d each take turns drawing cards to see who could last the longest. Those were the days.
Of course, this newfound motivation for working out couldn’t have anything to do with my upcoming crisis…