Rubbernecking, It’s Only Natural

Dinner was a disaster.  In fact I don’t think it could have possibly gone any worse.  I should have known as soon as I opened that jar of honey mustard and almost gagged that it wasn’t going to taste good. (I knew I shouldn’t have substituted…) Also didn’t know that my wife doesn’t like couscous, and those microwaveable green beans?  They tasted like they were wrapped in leather.

The recipe called for honey, which I checked the day before to make sure we had.  What I didn’t check was the expiration date.  So while I’m cooking, Erica Googled whether or not it was safe to eat honey that is past its expiration date (by about a year, never been opened) and found that they found honey in the tombs of the Egyptian pharaohs, so we decided it was probably safe to eat.

Take the Ordinary Dad poll, help me in my misery! Am I the only dad in America who can’t cook?

Remember, we only had one hour to cook and eat so when dinner hit the table after about thirty minutes, my gracious wife told me that the chicken tasted good, but I couldn’t eat it and had to throw it away.  Eventually after I coaxed the truth out of her she didn’t eat it either.  Then I did a quick run to Subway for the Italian B.M.T. but didn’t make it home in time for my wife to be able to eat before she had to run.

After dinner I had a horrible taste in my mouth from the mustard that I couldn’t get rid of even with the sub, and my stomach didn’t feel too good.  I thought maybe this was subconscious and really had nothing to do with the food, but then my wife came home and said her stomach hurt, too.  Great, did I just give food poisoning to my family?!?

Did another run to Arby’s for Erica to be able to eat something and when I got home, they got the order wrong so I had to go back again.  Nothing was working out.

But this will not deter me from wanting to learn how to cook so that I can actually HELP, instead of HURT around the house.  Here’s a few take-aways from the night:

I need to start with recipes that are well within my comfort zone, like burgers, spaghetti, or other simple meals.

I will never make couscous again.

I will never make anything that calls for mayonnaise or honey mustard again.

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15 Replies to “Rubbernecking, It’s Only Natural”

  1. sorry bud.. just keep trying.. she’ll either appreciate it or she’ll just say.. “it’s okay honey and you’ll never have too ever again..”


  2. My wife got it into her head I should learn to barbeque this summer, and talked me into getting one of those round Weber things. So far I’ve destroyed several farm animals, but I’ve gotten pretty good at lighting a fire.


  3. I had to learn some simple things when my wife got pregnant. I was too anxious about not being able to cook. Between my amazing pasta, potatoes, and eggs, I’ve got the week pretty much covered. Then the weekend comes, and Granny gets us through that.


    1. Actually, if you could come by the house and do a little tutoring, that may help.
      Maybe I should look into some type of cooking class…But if you do some cooking videos, one note. I get turned off of watching cooking shows that make things that are way out of my reach, or that talk about things like I should already know them, or that don’t break things down enough. Sometimes its like theres really not a lot of explanation, its just watching someone cook (which doesn’t help me at all) Let me know when the series begins!


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