I haven’t been blogging here a lot lately.
Mainly because I feel like the biggest failure of a father ever.
I wasn’t ready for this! Usually my kids do cute things like walk over to me and put their heads in my lap so I can tickle their back, or funny things like telling us they’re not a ‘stinker’ but a ‘sticker’.
When Ella was two it wasn’t terrible at all. And Pax used to be this pudgy baby boy who was content to sit in the middle of the room and look around. Life was good.
But now! Now I’m tired all the time. Now my energy is completely and utterly spent after only being home a few hours with them at night! I seriously don’t know how my wife keeps it together?
Pax is mischievous and on the move. He’s into everything and constantly running away from me and heading towards something he shouldn’t be getting into. If the pantry door’s open, he’s there pulling boxes of food off the shelves. If the dog food is left out, (heaven forbid that our dog should actually get to eat!) he’s grabbing handfuls of it and throwing it in her water (or worse…eating it). If the bathroom door’s open… if the gate’s not up… if the computer’s out…if the stairs aren’t blocked…if the remote’s on the couch…it NEVER ENDS!
Then, Ella has been going through SOMETHING I don’t even know what?! But man is it exhausting. She laughs when we discipline her. She flat-out tells us “NO!” and refuses to go to timeout.
I just don’t know what to do. I keep telling myself that it is just a phase, to keep consistent, to not give up, and my constant prayer is that I will be patient and gentle and loving.
There have been times that I’ve lost it. I’ve disciplined incorrectly. I’ve gotten angry and impatient.
But even when I try. Even then, the results don’t seem to come. I know I shouldn’t expect to see results immediately but I need some evidence that what we’re doing is working. Some glimmer of hope would be nice.
I was talking with another dad at work today about it and he had this consolation to offer me,
“Yeah, three was rough for us too. So was four. But don’t worry Lee, by the time she gets to be five…or six…she’ll mellow out.”
Please don’t tell me this will last for three years?!
I used to think I wasn’t a ‘baby person,’ but more and more I find myself longing for the days when they were just blobs you held close to you in your arms and watched them smile. (If I’m romanticizing that stage of life at all just slap me in my face or punch me in my gut.) This must be why people end up having a third kid…
…and that’s where I am right now.